Tag Archives: Humor

For The Love of God, Every Breath You Take!!

Although I love the song Every Breath You Take by The Police, mama is getting ready to call the real police.

I finally solved a mystery that has been puzzling me for some time now.

I was woken up by my cats this morning at 2:30 am.

That is not unusual.  That is par for the course.

I normally get to go back to sleep within 15 minutes of petting.

And then I heard it.

The dude upstairs was on the move.

Either he is a really large guy or he is very heavy footed.

On a positive note, I take great care in being oh so quiet when the building is asleep as to not disturb my downstairs neighbors.  See.  I can take lemons and make lemonade!

Anyway, I hear him on the move, roll my eyes and begin breathing deeply and slowing thinking I can calm my way back to sleep.

After about 15 minutes I hear it.

Unbelievable, the dude either turned on his TV or music because I hear a rhythmic bass or treble or something on a continuous loop!

How effing rude can you be?

This has happened before too, always in the late, late hours of the night or if you prefer, the early earliest of hours in the morning.

He must travel, because it only happens in stints, brief periods of time and not 24/7.

I cannot tell you how many times I have had to stop myself from marching upstairs and banging on his door and giving him a piece of my mind for being so rude and thoughtless.

Well guess what mama figured out as she was breathing deeply and slowing thinking I could calm my way back to sleep?

That is not music or the TV, he is freaking SNORING!

Holy crap! What in the hell am I supposed to do with that?

I was sleeping on my couch because you can do that when you are an adult and single.

Well home boy, and yes he must be a HE with that kind of snoring, must not have been able to sleep and moved to his couch because he is an adult too, and now he is obviously sleeping soundly when I AM NOT.

Every breath he takes makes me want to walk up there and punch him.

I am not in a relationship.  I shouldn’t have to deal with this!

And if I was in a relationship with someone who snored, the first snore and it would have been over.  I like my sleep.

I know people who are married to snorers.  And I think and have said, for the love of God, didn’t you know about this early on and how on earth could you have signed up for this life sentence on purpose? hahaha

Hold up, dude must be awake because the snoring stopped.

Oh never mind.  False alarm.

How on earth I can hear him snoring I do not know.  I have occasionally been woken up by an iPhone alarm thinking, that is strange, I don’t remember setting my alarm.

I didn’t.  It was his alarm.

Outside of these two things in the dead of night or early, early morning, I hear absolutely nothing.

No convos, no showers, no nothing.

Well I do hear him walking, but outside of THOSE three things, I hear nothing.

Now that I know what is going on, I will not call the police.

I am seriously thinking about moving though. hahaha

So I am up.  Now what?

I could exercise.  I could ride my Harley.  I could go grocery shopping.

I could…I really think it would be best if I leave my house for a little while before the police come to pick me up for smothering someone!!! hahaha

snore

Happy Halloween People!

I certainly hope this was my trick for the day.


Wordless Wednesday: Hot Water Not Working = Sponge Bath!

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Wordless Wednesday – Oh To Write Again, Trying To Work Blogging Back Into My Mix

Oh To Write Again


The Queen of Awkwardness

Yesterday was full of awkward moments for me.

First thing in the morning I met up with a former Starbucks peep.

She and her husband were on my turf which threw me, and it had been over two years since I had last seen her because she changed stores prior to me relocating.

They were waiting to meet with a real estate agent that works next door.

I came out to use the bathroom and taa daa there she was.

She introduced me to her husband, all the while calling me Miss Lisa and sharing how she still remembers how to make my drink….and for the life of me, the whole time, I could not remember her name!

I went to the bathroom, wracking my brain, come on brain, what is her name, I know it is in here and BOOM, I remembered it and was so excited.

Luckily they were still waiting when I came out.

I snapped my fingers, pointed at her and said her name.

Followed by, I bet you thought I forgot your name and were like, psssht, I remembered her name and her drink and she can’t even remember my name!  I told her, it has been over two years and it takes my brain a minute to remember.

All ended well and everyone was happy and felt remembered.

Later in the day, a dude that works for another firm that I have been friendly with over the years caught me off guard again.

This time I was coming up from the parking garage and he pulled up alongside of me in his SUV and rolled down the window.

I thought we were going to have our normal pleasantries, but this time, maybe because we were semi away from the office, he went in to full compliment mode.

Compliment after compliment, which I tried my best to return, but mine were more general and awkward and not directed at him because the whole time I was like, uh oh, he’s going to ask me out and I am not attracted to him like that, I just happen to be a really friendly person.

Perhaps he had false hope because I did actually remember his name and addressed him as such when I first saw him again after being gone for over a year.

His last comment did me in, something to the effect of, You know, I have always had the hots for you.

I didn’t know what to do with that so without thinking I laughing said, I know, and walked away….which my friends opens up a whole other can of awkwardness when we meet up next.

All I can say is, Thank God today is a half day!

And I am not stepping foot out of my office until it is time to go home!! hahaha

All hail The Queen of Awkwardness.

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New (Old) Kid On The Block

So, I started my new job with my former employer on Monday.

Today was my second day.

And the receptionist went home sick.

And I was like What?!

Holy crap, crash course in Do You Remember This, That and the Other?

Um, maybe?

The place didn’t blow up, so that is a positive sign.

Luckily, there is no stress like the world is going to end, and Thank God it is not tax season.

But, it totally sucks going from Queen Bee and boom, this is how we do it….. to…..um, how do we do it again?

My old employer has not contacted me asking me for help and that would be because they have someone on site who knows what needs to be done and oh, I pretty much made it a work of art, anyone could follow my beautifully organized structure with someone on hand to answer any questions as they pop up.

I am glad they haven’t needed my help, because I forget to check my phone for emails during the day like I said I would.

I’ve been told that the girl who held my current position as well as the receptionist’s position during the transition, who turned down the position I was offered due to commuting, was Super Woman.

That totally blows, because I am used to being Super Woman.

I am Super Woman without much of a clue right now, and it is a bit frustrating.

But such is life as way of the learning curve.

A few positive notes….

Everyone has been nice and I am pretty well acquainted with much of the team.

I have crossed paths with several people who work for other firms in the building and they were like ~ Woo hoo, you are back!

To be honest, I was surprised they remembered me.

But then again, I remembered them so all is well.

A couple of things I am working through…..

My daily routine is totally screwed up at present, and I am going through an overhaul.

I actually have to set an alarm to wake up at 4 am, because I like a few hours to myself before I hit the road at 6:30am.

I want to make sure I have enough time to swing by Starbucks, as well as allow time for any traffic mishaps.

And I am not used to waking up to an alarm.

It’s been years since I have heard one, and I literally jump out of the bed running to shut the alarm off as if the place is on fire.

So not cool.

Exercise at present, out the window.

Emailing friends, out the window.

Blogging, out the window.

Facebook is even almost out the window.

I seriously need to shut that damn window!!

So that is my life, for family and friends who have been wondering how things are going…..they are going.

I am happy, but not the bomb, and therefore, frustrated. hahaha

I can’t wait until I am the old kid on the block again!


I Am Not Passive Aggressive.

That’s a lie.

I think we all are to a degree.

It’s so much easier.

I happen to be the target at present.

One of my bosses is deeply disappointed that I am leaving.  The other one is disappointed too, but not quite as much.

This past weekend I had a missed call from work, so I called in to see if they needed something.

Nope.  Found it.

Well when I came in on Monday morning I was left with the trail of discovery, along with a few other things.

Somebody threw a “party” and forgot to clean up.

And everyone in the joint knows….please don’t dork up my area, dork up your own.

Yesterday, let’s see, I was told…..You did this wrong….um, I lost count how many times, only two of which were indeed me and owned and corrected.

My boss followed up this spectacular display of digs with, So did you change your mind yet and decide to stay?

But here’s the thing, he’s not a bad guy or being mean, he’s just human.

We all do this, whether it is conscious or not.

When we are hurt or disappointed, we try to hurt and disappoint in return, classic tic for tat.

So, one week down and one week to go.

And…..

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I Gave Someone the Finger, It Felt Good and I Got More Luv

I don’t know that I have ever given anyone the finger while driving before, but I sure did yesterday!

I stopped at the grocery store on my way home from work.

This said grocery store is only TWO city blocks from my home.

It took me 40 MINUTES to go two city blocks to get to said home!!

I cannot tell you how depressing and frustrating it is to see a traffic light turn green when you are 20 cars back and not one car moves in any direction….light, after light, after light.

Well I am one of those people who is NOT going to be an asshole and drive all the way up in a turning lane to try to cut in front of someone who has been sitting at a light for 30 minutes.

Apparently the lady behind me was that type of person, and honked at me a couple of times, until I gave her the finger and said a few choice words.

She’s lucky I didn’t put my flashers on and get out of my car to have a word with her, since no one was going anywhere anyway.

But I was PMSing, hungry and frustrated…..so I remained in my car.  Plus she might have beaten me up! I’ve never been in a fight before so I am pretty sure I would lose.

When I got home, ten years later, I thought, I have got to change my THE LISA license plates.

I am just not feeling them for day-to-day commuting.  Now if I ever get to try out the race track in my car, then I’d be feeling them!

I really miss my plates HEY DUDE.

Now those got people talking, drivers smiling, waving and yelling out on the interstate – HEY DUDE!!!!

Someone else has them now, but I check every now and again to see if they are available.

Hopefully they will be as dumb as me and turn them in one day.

If I ever get them back, I will keep them forever.  I didn’t know that was an option.

So I bought new places this morning – MORE LUV.

And if that lady gets behind me again, I’ll give her the finger and MORE LUV.

Not my actually plate, but my picture portion of today’s blog…..

MORE LUV2

 


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