When my blog goes silent for a while, one of two things is going on…it is tax season or I have fallen in a rut.
It is not tax season.
As strange as it might sound, it all started with a really bad haircut.
I don’t know what possessed me but I let my stylist cut my hair really short in a bob, after all it looked really great on her!
Holy. Crap. One of the worse decisions ever.
And there is no way on earth to hide that kind of dramatic change.
Now, two months later, my hair is not like it was aka long, but it grows closer daily.
So the big secret that is not so secret to those who know me, I have been down.
One thing that has been hard for me is my sister living in California with her family. They’ve been there a little over a year.
I’ve known my sister for forty-one years, she is my best friend and in all those years, including this last one, we have only lived apart (as in not living within driving distance) from each other five, maybe six years.
At one point, we were even roommates in college.
I’d say we are kinda close, and not having her close to me is a pretty big deal in my world.
I did get to see my sister and her family twice over the Thanksgiving break and I cannot tell you how good it feels to hug someone you love and have missed so much.
Work has had me anxious too. I am still in the uncomfortably learning phase. Some of it I did before, I like that part. Some of it is new, and that part is uncomfortable until it becomes comfortable.
No one is yelling at me or saying that I am doing things wrong, actually they have said I am doing well, it is just an internal anxiety and it total sucks.
I’ve been in positions before where I didn’t know everything about a job and in time I learned it and got a pretty good system down in the process, so it will happen here too.
I also haven’t worked out a very good routine yet because of the commute. The distance between my house and work is no big deal. It is just all of the traffic that gets in the way.
I do think if things were going well in other areas of my life, I wouldn’t have such anxiety about my job right now.
I guess the biggest area of my life that really needs to see some change is my social life. I’ve been single a long time, mostly by choice, but now I would like to meet someone, and I would really like to meet some new friends too.
Most of the friends I have are married or married with children so things are different, and I don’t have gobs of them like I wish I did.
At 43, it is kind of hard to just go out and make friends. I haven’t figured out where to start.
I know I need to get involved in something I care about, and dating sites and bars are not my thing, plus feeling down and anxious, gotta admit, not really great motivators. So, as you can see, I am still trying to figure out where to start part.
And right about now, you are probably wishing I had remained quiet.
I wanted to post a piece since it has been so long, and unfortunately this is all I’ve got.
I know this will pass; I just hope this too shall pass with some positive changes on the other side.
I am pretty light and bright when I am happy.
And I’d like to feel that way again soon.