Saying Goodbye

It was a normal day.

I went into work Monday morning, and after a five-minute review of what I had to do, I wished that I had come in on Sunday to make a bigger dent.

My boss was giving me a playful hard time asking me why I didn’t come in on Sunday.

I explained that on Saturday, he seemed so eager to rush me out the door that after four hours I finally caved and decided not to come back in until Monday morning.

Turns out, he wanted to make sure that I didn’t get burned out so that I would be in again on Sunday.

Lesson learned for both of us.

I left work early yesterday to take my cat Caesar to the vet for a checkup.

Over the last few days, I had noticed that his breathing seemed a little bit labored and more rapid than normal.

He wasn’t acting any differently, and I just thought that it was time for a shave so he wouldn’t be sucking down hair and creating hairballs that neither of us enjoyed.

I asked my vet to examine his breathing, and things took a very bad turn for the worse when she couldn’t hear his heartbeat due to fluid on his lungs.

Things suddenly changed, and things suddenly became very serious.

They made special arrangements to take x-rays…..and what was to be a normal vet visit turned into a four-hour I didn’t know I was going to have to say goodbye tonight.

It’s all a blur.

I rushed him across town to an emergency vet hospital only to be told that his heart was failing and that I would need to make decisions pretty quick because he was uncomfortable.

The stress of the x-rays and the doctors and being away from me during the process is what quickened his hurried decline.

I didn’t even get to have time alone with him, and was rushed into the back to see him at the end.

I pretty much climbed into the oxygen chamber with him just to be near him.

Forehead to forehead, I told him how much I loved him and how much he meant to me.

It was only in that moment that he relaxed, closed his mouth to breathe normally, and blinked his eyes gently.

I will never forget that moment.

Saying goodbye sucks.

I wanted hours with him, not minutes.

Saying goodbye when it is the last thing on earth that you ever expected to have to do that day…totally indescribable.

All I keep thinking is, I want my cat.  I want my Caesar back.

I know not all with be able to appreciate this post.

But for those with pets, please love on your furry family a little harder today.

Me, I am going into work with two swollen eyes from crying so much.

I don’t think my tears have stopped flowing since I had to say goodbye.

It looks like I have been in a boxing match and lost by a mile.

Not sure how to cover that up, because I am pretty sure that wearing makeup today is a lost cause.

I miss my little man.

He was my family.

 

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