Help! Someone Call 911! I Have Fallen And I Can’t Get Up!

It was a normal morning for me.

I got up before the crack of dawn and was as quiet as a mouse can be fixing a cup of coffee who’s machine grinds the coffee beans loud and proud with each pot that you brew.

Cup in hand, smoke and lighter in the other (so not cool, I know), I gently eased open the sliding glass door waiting for the annoying yet ever so gentle beep, beep, beep the backdoor is open.

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD an alarm like you have never heard streamed and echoed throughout the sleeping neighborhood!

It was 4:30 am and guess I wanted others to greet the morning with me.  Hello.  Good morning.


I jumped out of my skin, coffee went flying all over the place, the dog became very alert, and my brain was rattled because it scared me so badly.

Seriously, I didn’t know what to do or what was going on.

Probably because I hadn’t had my cup of coffee yet.  Wearing it doesn’t seem to have quite the same effect.

My sis came down the stairs glaring at me like What the F***?

My bro-in-law right behind her let me know that I was one lucky bleepedly bleep as he was going for the gun until he remembered that I lived there and I had my annoying morning ritual.

Traumatized I tell you, traumatized I was.

In their defense….(a) they aren’t morning people, (b) I don’t think any working parents can be and (c) my kicking the habit had been a long time in coming, and most definitely, in their opinion, should have been realized by that moment in time.

Present day.

This is the scene that plays out in my mind every time I go into work.

We have an alarm at work, and each day, I hope like all get out (read: hell) that someone else has beaten me there.

To date, I haven’t set the alarm off.

To date, I have only had to disarm it a couple of times.

To date, I have to coach myself through disarming the alarm like it is a bomb and it is up to me to save the world.

To date, this is the most stressful part of my job.

And for the record, if the alarm should go off on my watch, I will fall to the ground and fake an injury while bellowing….. Help! Someone Call 911!  I Have Fallen And I Can’t Get Up!

I share this with you because… you know it is tax season when you are going into work on the weekend.

Fingers crossed that today is not the day that I have to fall down and play dead.

Prayers welcomed.






4 responses to “Help! Someone Call 911! I Have Fallen And I Can’t Get Up!

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