A Little Splash of Yellow

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Speak What You Seek


Four Types of Grief Nobody Told You About

I didn’t start out on Psychology Today’s website this morning.

I was reading a blog post I received via email from Gapingvoid.

I so want to create a Culture Wall in my office, but the pieces are a bit pricey.

Still, one of these days I might.

This is the photo in the blog that caught my attention this morning…

When I Grow Up

I followed the link within the email to another article that discussed the importance of culture.

“As a leader, you need your employees to deeply identify with the organization.”

“If a culture is not a movement toward a shared vision, then it is not a culture.”

–Benjamin Hardy, PhD

This article tied in nicely to the How to Be Awesome at Your Job podcast I listened to yesterday morning.

Episode 398: The Hidden Root of Much Workplace Conflict…And What to Do About It with Dr. Donna Hicks –Conflict resolution expert Dr. Donna Hicks outlines the ten elements of dignity to provide a master framework for human treatment and mistreatment. She also reveals how such treatment impacts performance.


This podcast episode answered a prayer.  I have been struggling to find a nice way to motivate people I think are not taking ownership of their roles, each role I have held myself.  To me, I see the lack of effort as being lazy and this makes me mad.  So, I have been trying to find a way to flip the switch on my side to come at this from a positive stance to encourage change instead of berating and making anyone feel bad.

I took what I learned from this podcast and implemented it at work yesterday, and it worked.  It will take time for this to become “the way” more often times than not, but what was shared in this podcast does work.

Backing up to Gapingvoid and the culture article I read this morning, I found another article link that piqued my interest and that is how I ended up on Psychology Today’s website this morning.

I read Four Types of Grief Nobody Told You About by Sarah Epstein MFT and found it to be informative and helpful.

I have experienced a loss in each of the four categories, and perhaps that is why I feel the loss others experience so deeply too.  I know what it feels like.  I can relate.

We are only in the first few days of May and I have experienced and/or know and care about someone who has experienced the loss of a family member six times already, and I have two others close to me battling serious illness.

That is a whole lot of death and dying going on in such a small window frame, and with that comes sadness.  But there is also hope and an encouraging vibe going on for me as well too (As in, dude you only have one life and you better get on with what it is you want to do in this lifetime).

I have since done three things.

  1. I deleted my Facebook account (but I am keeping my Netflix account!! hahaha). I deleted my Facebook account after listening to this podcast Digital Minimalism (with Cal Newport) from Accidental Creative.  Cal Newport’s bottom line message is choosing a focused life in a noisy world.
  2. I signed up for an accounting class.  I took this class a few years back and I got an A, but it would behoove me to start again at the beginning and build up.
  3. I am reading a book about motorcycles each morning while enjoying my morning coffee to become more comfortable and knowledgeable about my Harley so I can enjoy it more.


I leave you with this…

You only have one life and you better get on with what it is you want to do in this lifetime.

With love,


April 16th

My new best friend this tax season has been Starbucks’ Nitro Cold Brew with Sweet Cream.


Don’t let the title fool you.

There is nothing sweet about it.

Most of the time.

It depends on who on the SB staff makes it.

Nonetheless, it IS the extreme opposite of my 10++ year BFF, the Starbucks’ Mocha Frappuccino.

Mocha Frap

For a while there, I have you all know, I DID get to the point of ditching my daily Starbucks’ fraps for good because I was exploring Daily Harvest Smoothies.

Daily Harvest

And OMG, they are the bomb!  AND healthy!

However, I put my account on hold this last month because……tax season really happened.

Side note, I work at a CPA firm and um, there is a tax deadline coming up this Monday in the US.

I really hope you have filed your taxes by now so you can be so done with that and get on to living!

I adjusted to the new (for me) Starbucks’ Nitro Cold Brew with Sweet Cream for two reasons –

  1. Holy Cow, that drink packs some energy (and mama needs energy right about now)!
  2. Also, calorie count wise, Starbucks’ Nitro Cold Brew with Sweet Cream = 70 calories per drink (and in this past week, on a lot of the days, I have had 2 per day). Whereas, the Mocha Frap = 410 per drink, and although I do not have whip cream on mine, I have asked for extra pumps of mocha, so it is all the same calorie wise (and in all past years for the last 10++ years, right about this time, I have had 2 per day as well).

The skinny on the matter at hand.

I have been energized between the Nitro SB cold brew and smoking, my appetite has been suppressed and I eat much less and gone to bed several night without dinner (not on purpose, nor bragging or encouraging this method, just too tired and nature took over)..

Instead of gaining weight like some others on staff may or may not have done, I have lost weight (8 ibs, only 35 more to go!).

I might not be the smartest, nor put in the most hours, but hands down, I am 100% the most physically active person on staff during tax season.  Which for me is a good thing.  If I cannot be active, I would not last for long.

But my coping mechanisms need to change, or else I am going to die of cancer.

And according to all the things I have read, smoking is only a fraction (be it large) of the equation of my lifestyle that will cause me to develop some type of life threatening cancer.

A couple of days ago, while taking a shower and brushing my teeth (while in the shower), I gagged when brushing my tongue (normal for me while trying to remove any bacteria).

When I gagged, I had a shooting pain run down the right side of my body, from my shoulder blade to my right side belly (my entire back side torso).

It was painful and immobilized me for at least a minute.

Which is a very long time when experiencing anything but pleasure and/or happiness.

My thoughts…for real….

Is this what a heart attack feels like?

Is this what a stroke feels like?

WTF is this?

This freaking hurts!!

And lastly, OMG, it is tax season, and I do not think I can go into work today, what do I do….

When I could move, I sat down on the side of the tub and collected myself.

It passed.

I do not know what it was.

I sincerely hope I make changes and that this never happens again – because it really did hurt, it immobilized me, it scared me to death, and it sure as hell got my attention!

I am not 50 years old yet.

But at some point in life (which I have officially hit this year), we all pass over the threshold of I am invincible into the realm of holy crap if I do not change this is really going to dork up my life (if it has not already done so) in such a very bad way!

My dad’s wife passed away during this tax season unexpectedly, so he is always on my mind and I reach out often.

My stepfather is battling cancer, again unexpectedly, and I sense that it is much more serious than he or my mom let on, so they are always on my mind too, and I reach out often.

For me, after this tax deadline comes and goes (and it is my greatest hope that things go as well as possible, in particular, anything that I have a hand in), I honestly need to reevaluate how I am going about things and what it is I am trying to do with my life.

Because right now, I am not handling things in a way that is going to turn out well for me in the long run.  At all.


What Happens When I Log Onto Facebook

I check and answer any notifications and comments.

Then I scroll to see what is going on in the world for my peeps.

I have less than 100 friends, I think.   Um, yeah.  I am pretty sure.

My account is private and I am only friends with people that I know.

There maybe about 5 to 7 people (max) that I have never actually laid eyes upon, but I know by way of someone I do know and have laid eyes upon IRL.

After that…Facebook for me is like Pandora’s box (in a good way).

I watch videos that lead me to things that I am interested in learning more about and I take notes.

Seriously, I take notes.

I mean like, I really write things down on a piece of paper so I do not forget.

For example, tonight I watched a video clip re: The Graham Norton Show @ Stephen Fry and his new(ish) book Heroes and then discovered his other book Mythos by means of my research which led me back to Audible and reopening my account for monthly audiobooks.

But back up.

Graham Norton…OMG, this is one of my favorite talk show hosts.

He is so up there with Ellen and Jimmy Fallon.

BTW, if I could be friends with any celebrities, it would be these three plus Will Smith.

For Graham’s show, add in nighttime interviews, a drink or two and um, that equals guests being even more relaxed and open than normal.

Which leads to totally awesome and so damn funny and very real and genuine interactions/conversations.

Between this and listening to my fav radio station in the morning while driving to work daily…all of these people have my dream job!

I often wonder…OMG, how awesome that must feel to be so happy and joking and in tune with your squad while still doing real and important work each morning. (or day or evening).

I am a morning person.

Um.  I have yet to find anyone else in my work environment (ever) who is also a morning person.

This totally destroys my morning vibe each and every day.

And although sooner or later people come around, by then, my happy vibe has been squashed. #ThatSucks hahaha

But back to my original story.

When I log into Facebook and really have some time to explore, I explore.

Last night, I started with an awesome video…something to the effect of Top Ten Kid’s Acts on America’s Got Talent.

Which made me question…. why don’t I watch America’s Got Talent (or the likes) regularly?

Then I had an epiphany moment.

Oh yeah, I l-o-v-e the best of the BEST moments because I tremendously enjoy seeing people win and shine and so doing things that I wish I could do!

I also have zero interest in seeing those who are not ready yet make it to “the stage” only to be made fun of by being allowed on stage while thinking they are ready.

That is cruel in my world.

It might gain ratings…but may Karma have her say in that matter (times 10, aka, so not cool).

This is also the reason I do not watch any reality TV.

All that stuff, in my opinion, is edited to highlight only drama and dysfunction.

Um.  I have my own problems and dysfunctions and I absolutely take no pleasure in seeing other people exploited, even if done so knowingly.

And now…I am getting back off my soapbox and finding my way back to my original story.

My list, notes taken because I had a little free time to explore via Facebook last night equals…

Check out Audible.com re: Stephen Fry’s audio-books Mythos and Heroes.

Also check out Roger Love’s voice coaching audio-books.

Oh, also check out iTines and add the following to songs to your music library –

I’ll Stand by You

Can’t Help This Loving Feeling (Elvis)

Barbie Girl (Iggy Pop, I think)

Love Shack (B 52’s).

Lastly, dress for the life you want.

Side note, but only one piece at a time if that is all you can afford!! hahahaha

So, I guess when I log into Facebook and really have the time to explore…

I am in it to get schooled for a better life.

But I still have my guards up! hahaha

Who Are You




















I Smell Refund

I work for a CPA firm and I think I just successfully completed my own taxes.

I won’t know until I print it out, double check things and have the partner on staff who normally does my taxes review my return.

I’ve done my taxes in the past.  Turbo Tax worked just fine for me because my returns are not that complicated.

Which is both a good and a bad thing, if you think about it.

But this is the first return I have run start to finish through the company’s tax software.

Earlier I was a bit (understatement) frustrated because I didn’t know if I was doing things correctly or not.

I gave it my best shot, and I think I did OK and I may have even pulled it off.  We shall see.

I know I am due a small refund, I knew that going into it.

But whether or not I got the numbers right, that is the whole we shall see part.

Yes, it is after midnight, but still.  Honestly, it didn’t take that long.

I got frustrated earlier and gave up.

But then I came back to it, like I normally do.  Sooner or later, most times I come back to give it another go.

I also got frustrated because about a month ago this was partially the path I was to be going down right about now.  That’s not happening.

A lot of things are not happening like they were “supposed to be happening.”

That sounds oddly familiar….um, what is that called again, Oh yeah, Life.

And unfortunately, most of the not happening is my fault.  If there is fault to find.

I really got frustrated tonight too because any of my accounting co-workers could have done my tax return with their eyes closed in their sleep in five minutes flat.

I wish I knew what they knew.  For real.  Really.

On the flip side, none of them could do my job well either from the fresh get go you are on your own figure this out as you go start either.

It is all a matter of what we each know and have been doing for some time.

There is a whole bunch of stumbles, mistakes and learning curves no matter how well you might want to do, when you are trying to learn something new.

I heard an interesting take on replacing one’s self this morning on the podcast How to Be Awesome at Your Job by Pete Mockaitis.

I have listened to many podcasts, but this one, no matter the subject, I learn something of value every time.

Anyway, the episode that stood out to me today, the guest said something to the effect of – replacing yourself is twofold.

You replace yourself to better your company because you have done all that you can do in that position and want something more.

You also re-place yourself consciously, as in, you re-position yourself to grow into a new role.

I was working on that before even hearing this podcast.

To date, I have successfully replaced myself.  Yay me.  But then again, I really do care about the company I work for, and just because I want more and different, doesn’t mean I would leave them hanging nor should they oblige.

The re-positioning of myself is not working out so well.  At all.  And that part totally sucks.

I have a few family things going on, and they are pretty serious.

I am not married.

I do not have children.

My parents and my sisters are my nuclear family, and when something happens to them, it happens to me because I feel it at the deepest level.

I am an empathetic person by nature.  But when it comes to my family, I really feel it.

Which does not make me the most successful business person.  At all.  I am totally losing on that front.

Each night this week I have cried myself to sleep.  We are talking big @ss crocodile tears.

Each morning, I have gone to work with scary looking swollen eyes.

All I can say is, thank God I do not have to go to work tomorrow.

This coming week, the last thing I want to do is to go to a funeral.

Sadly, I’d rather be in the midst of an outrageously stressful tax season day or two.

But life happens.


















Things are Falling into Place

A pleasant surprise, I was able to pick up my S2000 from the repair shop mid-morning today without interfering or affecting anyone else’s schedule, and so far, all seems well.

I’ll be driving it tomorrow, so we shall see.

I have been having trouble getting it repaired correctly, and then it was hit by another driver while being repaired…. which means taking it to an auto repair shop near the end of February…and these have been oh such good times.  Not.

Three things you don’t mess with – my family, my cats or my cars.

Outside of that, I am a fairly nice person.  Most of the time.

Dates, times and details have been settled for my stepmother’s funeral in AL for early next week.

I took a nap and then orchestrated with my sister tonight re: our travel plans and touched base my dad (three times), my sister and my mom and step-father.

Boy, they are all going to get really tired of me pretty soon.

Downside of the today, I dorked up my boss’s computer remotely by accident while trying to repair something.  Thank goodness he was understanding.

And last but not least, in this moment in time, my co-worker has NO IDEA yet, but he will be taking care of my cats while I am out of town.

He and his wife went to Paris for a week for his sister’s wedding and I took care of their dog TanTan for a whole week, IN MY HOME, and I have never, ever, EVER taken care of a dog for a whole week.  Let alone in my own home.

He is so going to hate to hear this news tomorrow when I get to work.  I am not going to tell him earlier either, I am just going to surprise him. hahaha

His wife (and really, maybe even himself) is scared of cats.

But I helped them for a whooooooole week, and I have never taken care of a dog for that long, so um, I am going to need a returned favor please and thank you.

I practically ruined their dog because I did so much more than normal walking and caring for and treating him to anything and everything a dog could ever want.

I mean he even went home with one of my blankets and several toys I purchased for him to keep him happy while he was with me.

One of my fatal flaws, even if I don’t like you, I want you to have it all….and if I can help with that, I will.

The best part, that my coworker is really going to hate, because I will so pull it is…. Dude, you effing owe me. hahaha

He hates when I say that.  It is so not right to keep count in his world.  And I am like, yeah, that is easy for you to say because I give more.

Although he does not know yet that he is going to bring me great peace of mind, I already appreciated his help.

I just can’t wait to tell him about it! hahaha